It's Your Turn To Cook

I am in the process of compiling links to resources that are of help to those trapped in abusive relationships, those who have left abusive relationships, and their friends, families and allies. Eventually. I hope to make available an alphabetical list, but for now, I will post about each resource I find individually. Domestic Abuse and Violence is an international crisis which crosses international borders. It happens everywhere and can happen to anyone. So I hope to include resources for people in different countries in need of support.  I will add to the list as I research the many different organisations available. My list will be by no means comprehensive, so bear with me and feel free to add the details of organisations which were helpful to you in the comments.  Love is Respect (USA): here is an absolute gem of a resource. It's a wealth of information on how to support someone who is suffering abuse and even has information on how to support a friend who is abusive the...

I didn't know Sky, but I feel compelled to share her story. It could have happened to any of us.  Reading the words she wrote before her death, at only 27 years old, shook me. There were so many similarities in our stories. There always are in the stories of the victims and survivors of domestic violence. Always. In writing her story, Sky hoped to change the law in her home country of Canada, to expand the protections for people suffering abuse in intimate partner relationships. The police and the law let Sky down. Had she been able to get a restraining order to protect herself from her violent, abusive ex partner, she may well have been alive today. She was left completely at the mercy of her deranged ex. If you are reading this because you have concerns that your own partner is being abusive towards you, maybe you will recognise the signs of coercive control in Sky's story.  No one deserves to be abused within an intimate relationship. I hope that anyone who is struggling...

Flat 1 is the story of Rose, a survivor of domestic violence who's just finished a residential rehab. The novel opens as Rose holds the keys to her newly acquired council flat. As she lets herself in, walking through the empty, echoing rooms, she starts to plan for a better future: free from violence, free from drugs and united with the son she gave up to foster care due to her struggles with her mental health. It's not all plain sailing, but she's got her dad, who inspires her to start growing vegetables in the overgrown back garden of the flats. We meet her neighbours, her two very different sisters and her neice, Angie, who has her own struggles raising her two children.  Through Flat 1, I hope to paint a picture of a normal woman whose life has been torn apart by domestic violence as she struggles with disability, mental health issues, addiction and a bizarre chain of events that could either tip her over the edge, or catapult her into someting she never expected. You c...

"Look what you made me do!" "I had to hit you to teach you a lesson!" "You're married to me: you have to have sex with me when I say so!" Has your partner or spouse ever used "cultural differences" to justify their abuse? Basic human rights are the same for everyone, no matter where we're from. No one has the right to abuse you just because they tell you their abusive behaviour is normal for them. "In my culture, a woman has to do what the man tells her!" Wrong. A partnership does not involve one person being the other's servant.  A partnership does not involve one partner having a higher status than the other. A partnership does not involve one person forcing the other to have unwanted sex. No one should be afraid of their partner. No one "makes" their partner hurt them. In the early days, when my abusive relationship was still in the "love bombing" stages, there were red flags I should have noticed. But...

  Over a decade ago, my son quickly filled a small bag of his and his little brother's favourite things, grabbed me by the arm and his brother by the hand as I grabbed the car keys. Making sure we were alone, we snook away as quickly and quietly as we could, leaving everything behind. We are survivors of domestic violence who actually managed to escape. We had nothing with us: no clothes, no documents. Just the clothes on our backs, the shoes on our feet and a couple of teddy bears. We didn't have time to hang around. It was my third escape attempt and this time, I had help. And we never looked back. We made it out alive. Not unscathed, but alive. We survived. This isn't about how easy it was thereafter. It's not about about triumph over adversity. It doesn't have an exciting warm, fuzzy feeling. Surviving trauma isn't easy: it doesn't magically disappear and at times, it's debilitating. It's a slow healing process. I still sometimes w...